Strange Spam

I just received the most unusual email in my inbox from a German email address.

Here it is in full and uncorrected.

I'm a time traveler stuck here in 2003. Upon arriving here my dimensional warp generator stopped working. I trusted a company here by the name of LLC Lasers to repair my Generation 3 52 4350A watch unit, and they fled on me. I am going to need a new DWG unit, prefereably the rechargeable AMD wrist watch model with the GRC79 induction motor, four I80200 warp stabilizers, 512GB of SRAM and the menu driven GUI with front panel XID display.

I will take whatever model you have in stock, as long as its received certification for being safe on carbon based life forms.

In terms of payment: I dont have any Galactic Credits left. Payment can be made in platinum gold or 2003 currency upon safe delivery of unit. Please transport unit in either a brown paper bag or box to below coordinates on Sunday July 27th at (exactly 3:00pm) Eastern Stand Time. If you miss this timeframe please email me.

42.4845467 & Longitude -71.1576157 and the ground is 101.3' above sea level.

Although those coordinates are a secure guarded area, these channels through email are never secure. Unfortunately it is the only form of communication I have right now. There is a good chance that sombody will try to redirect the signal. The unit must be teleported directly in a way that nobody will be able to interfere with the transference.

After unit has been sent please email me at: info@federalfundingprogram.com with payment instructions. Do not reply directly back to this email.

Thank You, projectile

Whilst it is highly entertaining, I really cant see the point of this email, except that I might be a joke. I checked on the co-ordinates and they are of Woburn, Massachusetts, USA. Strange therefore that the originating email address is from a German domain.

If anyone has any clue as to the purpose or point of this bizarre piece of spam, please feel free to use the comments box and let me know.

Dis-Located

I shouldn't be here. Right now I should be doing this about 500 miles to the east of here.

Yesterday afternoon I and my team of four others set out for our long journey to Metz, France to participate in a bi-annual festival.

We had got to within a few miles of the ferry port at Dover when the car lost all power and we found ourselves stationery on the hard shoulder at Junction 10 on the M20. I am an AA member so a quick call to the help-line and I found myself on a "priority list" for rescue. Things didn't exactly go smoothly, and the car was not repairable by the roadside. The AA Service Centre's were all singularly unhelpful so we elected to be "relayed" back home so I could use my normal, trusted, local garage, to do the necessary repairs.

I phoned the organisers of the event and I hear that the weather is appalling there at the moment so we are not missing out on anything. However I am eagerly awaiting a call from the garage to tell me when the car will be fixed. Then we will re-convene the team and set off again.

The Me Me Me Meme

I have just had another batch of pictures accepted for inclusion in the Mirror Project. I am now building up quite a collection of these. It is a really simple concept to grasp and so consequently it is easy to remember to look for opportunities as I go about my daily life.

Not so Tracey's 26 Things scavenger hunt, which I am finding hard going. I don't know why. I guess it is just that with 26 topics on the go at once, it is quite a task to remember them all and look for images which will fit into the categories. Or perhaps I am just a bear of extremely small brain!

Nevertheless, I will plug away and hopefully will have compiled a complete portfolio before the end of July.

Roadkill

The least pleasant part of my daily cycle ride (apart from slogging up hills for 25 out of the 30 minutes) is to see the amount of wildlife which has fallen victim to the motorcar. Each morning I pass the evidence of a night's carnage as various sad little bundles of fluff or feathers and I find myself reflecting on what a tragic end these creatures have each met. I don't wish to be anthropomorphic, but I am especially saddened at times when I know the dead beasts were probably in the process of rearing their young and now hungry offspring are waiting in vain for the return of a parent with much needed morsels of nourishment. What does fate have in store for them?

I am normally very careful when I drive - especially at night - on the country lanes around my house. I pride myself on keeping an eye on the kerb at all times so that if one of the UK's natural fauna happens to spring out in front of me, I am at least prepared to take evasive action.

Tonight as I drove home from a dinner appointment, something awful happened about a mile from home. I was into the narrow country lanes and approaching from the other direction was a car going quite fast. As it approached I saw a flash of fur on the other side of the road, a domestic cat darted into the path of the oncoming vehicle but luckily thought better of it and returned again to the verge. My concentration then turned to keeping a steady line on the narrow carriageway as the two cars passed.

No sooner had the headlights of the other car passed me, and I was again looking into comparative darkness, when I saw and felt it. The cat, obviously eager to cross the road, had rushed out as soon as the other car had passed it, but straight into my path. Breaking would have served no purpose and I grimaced as I felt the double bump as first the front, then the rear wheel of my car struck the poor creature.

I stopped, got out, and took a look but there was no movement in the corpse. It was not a pretty sight and I was fairly certain that this forlorn feline had finally used up all of his nine lives. I felt wretched for the rest of the drive home, and it has continued to prey on my mind for the last hour.

There being no houses within a mile of where the incident occurred it is unlikely the owner will ever really know why their pet will not be coming home tomorrow or any other morning. Therefore, I will just say "sorry" here to anyone who finds themselves suddenly missing a ginger tom.

I am going to cycle a different route tomorrow - just to avoid having to face the grisly result of car meets cat!

Joyous

Just got in from seeing one of our nation's musical treasures, McAlmont & Butler, perform an acoustic show at The Kings Head in Crouch End. The same venue as I saw them in December.

As before this was a very informal show attended by friends and dedicated fans. Bernard and David seemed to thrive in this relaxed atmosphere, chatting with the audience and straying from the set list a couple of times to perform some songs by request.

Following on from two support acts the dynamic duo didn't take to the stage until after 11pm, but the crowd was well warmed up by then. The set opened with a jaunty acoustic version of the now traditional "Theme from McAlmont and Butler". Following some words of introduction from David we were then treated to "Don't Call It Soul".

The evening had been advertised on the McAlmont and Butler website as being an opportunity to hear some of the material which is being prepared for the forthcoming album and we didn't have long to wait. Next song was "Muddy Waters" which was about the things in life that cloud the view and threaten danger. Following this was another new song, "Speed". David explained that is was appropriate that these songs were getting their first public performance at the Kings Head as they were all written in this part of London.

Back onto some more familiar material we next hear "Falling" followed by "Where Are You Now?" which David dedicated to Prime Minister Tony Blair. Some of his comments on Mr Blair's current location (Japan) in the light of today's news were rather direct and cynical. As a result he was given a friendly admonishment by Bernard with the words "we don't do politics".

Another new song, "Midnight" is all about the time after which exciting and interesting things happen. "At least they do in my world" quipped David. This was followed by "If You Want".

By this time the crowd were really getting into the music, and one particularly vociferous fan was making repeated calls for them to perform "What's The Excuse This Time". David launched into an acapella version but was soon joined by Bernard for one verse and a chorus.

Having silenced the eager fans (for a while) we then heard "Different Strokes", "Stronger" and "Blue".

Then a song which was new to me, but I don't think is a McAlmont and Butler original, "I Want to See You So Bad". Please leave a note in the comment below if you know this song's origin.

Then aptly the final song of the set was another new one "Goodbye", following which David left the stage.

Cheering, clapping and whistling brought him back and on returning to the stage David's face looked extremely puzzled as Bernard struck up a driving rhythmic chord progression. "What is that?" mouthed David. Bernard shrugged his shoulders but continued to play with the flicker of a grin on his face. "Oh" David's face brightens, "it sounds like......." and then picked up the cue to begin singing a short excerpt of "Burning Love".

The conclusion to the evening was a joyous rendition of "Yes" with the crowd singing along and enjoying this very intimate performance to the last lingering chord.

What an evening! I was close enough to the front to get some good photos and it was a real treat to hear songs which will only be recorded in the next few weeks for inclusion on an album due for release sometime later this year.

Midsummer Nights Burn

I have decided the track list for the summer CDs I will be sending to the lucky recipients. I have tried to pick summery music and employ the "pick you up, bring you down" formula used in many "professional" compilations.

So here they are...some old some new, some borrowed, some blues!

1) "Sound of the Samba" by Victor Davies
2) "Shrimp" by Mr. Scruff
3) "Forever More" by Moloko
4) "I Can't Turn You Loose" by Was Not Was
5) "Love and Happiness (Sao Benitez Sunset Mix)
6) "Falling" by McAlmont & Butler
7) "Rafiki [Hi Life Remix]" by Bob Holroyd
8) "Hanazono" by Jazzanova
9) "ipanema 5-0" by ruisort
10) "More Than One Way Home" by Keb' Mo'
11) "In Between" by Underwolves
12) "Let The Love In" by Chungking
13) "Snow" by Craig Armstrong

OK, that last one might sound a bit wintry, but it is the ideal song to seal a summer holiday relationship.

Now all I have to do is nip off to the shops to get some CDRs.

HBTM

HBTY
HBTY
HBDP
HBTY

Can't work it out? Here is a clue!

Help!

Housework Made Easy

Now I really have to get me one of these little babies. I wonder if it can do stairs, my new place is spread over three floors so lots of carpet, and lots of stairs.

Something's Coming

After days of fantastic weather, clear blue skies and record high temperatures it seems our spell of English summer is to be broken in the normal way.

I awoke this morning to radio announcements of a severe weather warning - storms approaching from the south with Devon and Cornwall already taking a pounding.

I like a good thunderstorm. It will clear the air, lower the temperature and the humidity, water the plants and douse the streets, houses thus settling the dust.

Of course the one downside is that the fields also become wet. No wonder the farmers in the village have been rushing to harvest their grain crop. We have had combine harvesters and grain tractors moving through the village all night. This truly is a race against time for them.

Funky Stuff

Just listening to the latest album by Mr Scruff called Trouser Jazz. It appeals to my sense of the absurd.

Andy Carthy (aka Mr Scruff) has built something of a reputation on the DJ circuit and this is his second album.

Like the output of Lemon Jelly, to which this style can be favourably compared, Trouser Jazz is full of humorous sampling over some seriously funky bass lines covering all styles through jazz, soul, hip-hop, ragtime and good ol'fashioned funk.

Also like Lemon Jelly I suspect we will be hearing much of this album as the soundtrack to the seemingly unending stream of home improvement, cooking, and pets in torment TV shows.

This stuff deserves better.

Fundraisers Ahoy

Saturday was fete day in the village. Weeks of preparation were rewarded by fabulous weather and an amazing turn out.

Oddly enough, for a village which is close to the most inland point in the UK (that honour going to Stoke Mandeville, just a few miles down the road) the day had a nautical theme and so the village lanes were full of pirates, Vikings, naval officers and ratings. Many a gold curtain ring was called into service to dangle by cotton thread from the ears of the more elderly and respectable members of our community some of whom also flaunted temporary tattoos applied with lipstick and mascara.

Someone within the fete committee clearly has clout or influence because at 3pm there was a fly-past of the Battle of Britain planes. A Spitfire and a Hurricane thundered low across the sky in formation.

Many of the stalls had been adapted to the theme of the day, with treasure hunts, knot tying, face painting and anchor tossing, all of which seemed to have been doing brisk business. Long lines also formed for the tombola, the human fruit machine and the ox-roast. On such a hot and sunny afternoon the pub was also packed.

According to a new notice I saw placed on the village notice board this morning, the total amount raised was £7,200. Not bad for a village of 600 people. The profits, after expenses, will be distributed to local chartities.

Show of Solidarity

In support of Lyle's site, now known simply as d4d, a number of fellow bloggers are "dummifying" their sites. I have decided to join this movement by changing the layout of this site for an unspecified period.

Whose Money?

I got one of those official looking brown envelopes in my mail this morning. Flipping it over I saw the tell tale crown and the dreaded words "Inland Revenue".

"What now?" I thought, "do they want even more of my money?

I slit the paper and slid the contents out to be faced with a statement. Quickly my eyes went to the bottom of the page to find the dreaded amount.

"Hells bells!" I said out loud as I took in a figure which represented a huge amount of money. "Where am I going to find that?"

I noticed that there was still a part of the paper folded under the part I was reading. I opened it up fully to reveal - a cheque!

This was not a tax demand, but a refund for overpayment. I was elated. I danced around the room. I made instant plans as to how I could spend this amazing and significant windfall. Visions of new consumer durable goods, exotic holiday destinations and fabulous dinners flowing with fine wines flashed through my mind.

Then my celebrations came to a shuddering halt when I realised it was my money in the first place.

I had been living without it while Her Majesty's Inland Revenue had been keeping it safe for me, without paying me interest!

Still, it is nice to know I am better off than I thought.

What Comes Around Goes Around

Now here is a good idea. Those awfully nice people at Funjunkie are picking up the reins of what can best be described as a cross between a chain letter and a lucky dip.

The plan is to swap custom CDs full of your favourite summer tunes with two other people from somewhere in the world. Swappers and swappees will be selected at random by FJ

I love hearing new music so I am hoping that by participating in this swapfest I will have new vista's of aural pleasure and happiness opened to me. However being more realistic I will probably get paired with a teenager who considers Blue to be the epitome of musical achievement and a nihilist who is really into German Industrial music and so I get to listen to 74 minutes of machine grinders, power saws and anvils being pounded by lump hammers.

Lets hope not eh?

I am still considering what would be on my summer playlist, but as soon as I have and I am ready to burn my CDs I will reproduce the list here for you all to enjoy.

When Corporate America Comes Calling

Lyle over at Destruction for Dummies seems to be having a bit of trouble with the Wylie Publishing, the people who seem to think they have world-wide ownership of the words "for dummies" and more worryingly "unofficial guide".

Personally, I think Lyle has capitulated a little too quickly on this by renaming his site d4d. It would have been interesting to see how far the Wylie coyote would have taken their thinly veiled threats. I don't think they can legally ask him not to use a domain name if they don't have a published title pre-dating its registration.

One way of strengthening his position might be to register a UK company with the same name as his site so that he can claim and prove fair use. That might seem to be expensive, but let me assure you it is a stronger defence, he can remove his personal liability and limit it in any law case to the share capital in the owning company (£1 is the minimum)and if the USA company decides it wants to buy back its "rights" it is much easier to sell a company with assets (including domain names) than it is to sell a stray domain registration.

I have had a similar experience to Lyle but in that instance I got so ticked with a US company who began to hound and chase me for return of a set of domain names they considered theirs (although as with Lyle's example they hadn't bothered to register them), that I gave (gratis) the whole domain grouping (.net .org .co.uk .info and .biz) to a Chinese company with the same name and let them fight that lost cause. Tee Hee!

If you think Lyle should keep his blog with the original title "Destruction for Dummies" go over there now and show him your support.

Midsomer Update

More details on the Midsomer Murders filming which is going on in the village this evening. Sorry if you are not interested in this but I do have some readers who seem to drop into my blog on a regular basis to see what is going on.

A quick saunter down to the Village Hall and I see actors dressed in Spanish costume - Flamenco Dancers and Toreador stuff. Very Carmen. A red banner is stretched out above the door to the hall and reads "Midsomer Mallow Residents Association - Spanish Evening" and so I guess that is the link.

It is gone midnight and they are still filming. The night sky is lit up with some very bright white lights. At the moment most of the activity is taking place down a little footpath which leads down to the river Thame. Although I could not get very close the filming seems to be happening just behind a cottage known locally as "Tibbys".

I got talking to one of the crew - who was dunking great hunks of baguette into a cup of soup - and he told me that this is the second episode of the series. The first, entitled "The Green Man", was based around a pub of that name. However, having read through the script of this episode he told me that he could not see the link to the title - "Bad Tidings".

There are four more episodes to be filmed in this series, and the shooting schedule goes right through till February. They are having a problem this year with the availability of some actors and so the filming is more fragmented than normal.

Apparently we can expect another visit from the production company to the village this Friday. Stay tuned.....

The Bentley Boys are Back in Town....

...and this time it is going to be an all night shoot. I wondered down the road and spoke to a lighting technician who told me that they will be filming in the village hall till about 2am.

The episode in production is the same as the one they were filming last week. It is called "Bad Tidings".

I may wonder down there again later in the evening to find out more about what is going on, and to see if I can spot any famous faces.

World Famous...All Over Aylesbury

Returning from my morning cycle ride (yes still doing that) today I spotted a car from our local Radio Station (Mix96) parked in the pub car-park opposite my house. Being a nosey-parker I ambled over to ask what was going on, to be told that by doing so I had won a competition!

A couple of minutes later I was live on-air answering some questions about the village and the forthcoming fete which is being held on Saturday 12th July. My prize was a reproduction watercolour of the Village Green, strangely enough the scene depicted was not too dissimilar to the webcam picture featured on this page.

I wonder, is the artist a regular reader of this blog?

People I Meet While Surfing

Taking a breather between meetings in London today I dropped into the Starbucks at the TCR end of Oxford Street to top up my caffeine levels with a Latte and my email via some WiFi Access. Spotting that one of the comfy chairs in the upstairs part of the cafe was free. The seat opposite was already occupied by someone with a PC out on his lap and who was clearly making use of the free Wireless LAN access which pervades the store from the i-Plus point a few yards down the road.

I asked him if he minded me taking the other chair. "Please do" came his reply.

I staked my claim by dumping my bags and went to buy my hot beverage (that's Starbucks speak intended to make the £2.50 sound more reasonable.)

After a few minutes surfing I was experiencing very slow throughput so asked my fellow surfer if he was having problems. A technical discussion ensued during which I asked about the funky looking PC he was using. It had clearly once been a standard Sony Vaio but it had been given an urban makeover with brushed steel casing and a red enamel paint job.

It turned out that I was talking to Onyx Ashanti, a performing artist who has developed a musical style called BeatJazz. What is different about Onyx's approach is that he can perform his electronic music live. He originates from the USA but has been appearing at clubs and other venues in Europe.

Check out his site, and download the amazing promotional demo.

Movers and Shakers

Some of the work I am doing at the moment is bringing me into contact with some pretty high-powered people. I used to work in Government but was never really that close to the action. I was always in a role of sedentary policy deployment as opposed to the cut and thrust of its formulation.

I am now being exposed to, and participating in, the game politic on a first hand and daily basis and this has shown me that real power does not sit where one might at first expect. Real power is not with the figure-heads who make the decision, but with the people who are their trusted advisors, the credible authorities on the topic in question.

Fascinating to me is how, with simply a good idea, a track record of knowledge in my industry and the support of a couple of other respected individuals I am suddenly in a position of significant influence. My name is being bandied about and suddenly people who a month ago had never heard of me are not just taking my phone calls but are calling me back!

What I can't work out is if I am a mover and shaker, a music-maker or just a dreamer of dreams.

Luvvie Alert

Yes they are back in the village again. Filming another episode for Midsomer Murders. This time they have blocked the entire village high street with their vans and trailers.

Oh and before you ask. No I have no idea which episode they are filming, and I was too busy to go down a see if I could spot any minor celebs.

Quiet

You can tell I have been busy, because it is when I am at my busiest that I have the least time to blog. One might therefore conclude that it must be the ineluctable cussedness of fate that when the most interesting things are happening, I have no time to blog. - Of course the corollary of this theory would be that if I have time to blog it can't be about anything of real interest. Ho-hum.

Anyway

Just to let you know, things are going ok. Let me try and sum-up what has been going on in my life over the past couple of weeks that has kept me from my scribing duties.

A new project is taking up 100% of my working days. It is very exciting and promised to be quite rewarding in the long run.

One new client and one prospective client are taking up an additional 25% of my working days. (Hang on thats 125% already!)

All the above activity happens to coincide with my business partner taking a 3 week vacation!

It may sound like all work and no play, but I am having the most fun.

Meanwhile in the middle of all this...

I am in the process of moving house within the next 20 days - about which I will write nothing further until contracts are exchanged for fear of jinxing the whole transaction.

I am also in a new relationship - which is going well so far but it is still fresh and we are therefore both on best behavior.

As you might imagine I am finding it hard right now to get the appropriate work/life balance but if its survives this busy first few weeks the relationship should ultimately be quite strong.

More later........