Luvvie Alert

The village is full of trucks and trailers today. A production company is here to film scenes for a forthcoming television drama. I am told that celebrities abound. I haven't seen any famous faces yet but we will just have to see who turns up at the pub across the way at luncthime.

More later.....

Curse Broken

Phew! It looks like we are safe folks. My Ace Life has returned to normal blogging.

It was close there for a moment, I thought I was single handedly closing down the UK blogging community.

Oxford Punt 2003

Mention the words Punt and Oxford to most people and it will conjure up images of long flat boats gliding down the Isis on a summer afternoon being steered by a student in blazer and boater, or sub fusc, holding a long pole. However, for those of us who live or study in Oxford, the Oxford Punt is something altogether different.

Now in its sixth year the Oxford Punt is a musical bonanza which takes place in May and is a marathon line up of 19 acts in 6 venues on one night! Organised by Nightshift, "Oxford's Music Magazine", the event features mostly unsigned local talent. Each band gets a 30 minute set and Punters roam between venues trying to identify the next Radiohead whilst avoiding the many nascent Jemini. An all night pass to all 6 venues costs six quid! That has to be good value in anybody's currency.

Alan, Ed and I decided to start our quest for fine music at Borders, who were sponsoring the evening, where we heard Warner Brothers signee Richard Walters. His stuff was vaguely David Gray(ish) but with far too many plangent appellations of the F word to make for comfortable listening at 6:15pm sending mothers and children running from the store. Richard's tart response to this audience reaction was to suggest they "browse through the poetry section for a few minutes, there are a lot worse words than F*** in there."

Moving swiftly on, we heard The Relationships - a good old (and aged) pub band. Great music in entirely the wrong venue.

With barely a moment to catch our breath we headed off to Jongleurs to hear Sexy Breakfast, a Genesis for the millennium, whose main gimmick was not only to seem drunk on stage but to actually be drunk on stage. The lead singer completed the entire set with his fly wide open (much to the joy of some female fans in the front row) and the keyboard player and mixmaster became so enthusiastic at one stage he managed to pull all the leads out of the back of his keyboard. Despite this they had a large and enthusiastic following which disappeared as soon as X-Hail took to the stage at 8:30 with their funky blend of M People meets the Cocteau Twins epics. A talented crew with an excellent female singer and songs which last about 5 minutes too long.

Flagging slightly we then moved on to Kiss Bar where we were soothed by the sonic ramblings of Portal for whom a live performance means they are actually there to start and stop the sequencers. There was some ethereal warbling going on but it was hard to see through the crowd whether this was of human origin. TwizzTwangle looked like it might end up being more of the same and so we moved on and up in tempo.

Entering the sweaty subterranean delights of The Cellar we expected to hear the closing bars of the Smilex set but alas they were not playing owing to a malfunctioning drummer. I don't think we missed very much. Instead we heard a teensy bit of Warhen. Then we stood, drank and ate nuts until Elizabeth exploded onto and rattled around the tiny stage. The night continued until very late with Outofinto completing the live lineup at the Cellar when a DJ manned the decks and we grooved until, well until I walked back to the car at a time when there were already the dainty fingers of morning light playing across the high clouds.

The Sapientum Curse?

You are probably familiar with the Hello Curse which seemingly assures an unhappy fate for any celebrity marriage pictured (normally for a fat fee) within the pages of the glossiest of glossies.

Now it seems a similar demise is assured for any link which appears on by list of blogs. First it was Swish Cottage who pulled down the shutters, at least for a couple of months, then Minor 9th disappeared with an uncertain return, and now My Ace Life has announced a Blogging Holiday.

I will soon be taking bids NOT to be included on my blog list if this carries on.

Bull in a China Shop

I have been accused of behaving like this on more than one occasion, but this is the first time I have ever heard of it actually happening.

Out of Office

When sending e-mail to business contacts I sometimes get an "Out of Office" message which is intended to let me know that the person is away and therefore I should not expect a prompt reply.

Today I received the following.....

I will be out of the office on maternity leave until September, returning after Labor Day.

.....which, knowing the person concerned, has to be unintentionally funny.

Is This the Price of Parking?

Can anyone tell me what this is all about?

Earlier today I spotted this morbid little addition to the public on-street parking sign just outside Tate Modern in London.

As I travel about London, especially on the Underground, I often see stickers applied to advertising posters and normally these will declare the identity of an originating organisation and have a clear meaning. This example could be just some witty modern art or perhaps it too is connected to a political movement or action group. In this case we are left guessing as there is no indication on the sticker itself as to who is responsible or the message it is trying to convey.

I liked the image, and assumed the juxtaposition was entirely intentional, so I stopped to capture it for posterity (or my blog, which I am pretty sure is not the same thing!) As I stepped off the kerb and raised my camera to my eye a whole group of people gathered around me to see just what I was photographing. There was some discussion but no-one ventured an opinion as to what it symbolised or why it was there.

Does anyone out there have any theory, or even know the provenance of the hanging man? If so please leave a comment below and enlighten us all.

The Matrix Reheated

I really wanted to like the new Matrix film, honest I did. We got tickets to go and see it on its public opening night in the UK so keen were we to see it. However as the closing credits rolled I couldn't help feeling that I had seen it all before. There is nothing actually wrong with the film, it is wonderfully executed and looks fantastic. It is however just more of the same, and it seems with more to come later in the year.

The original Matrix was a genre setting movie with many of the cinematography techniques it pioneered now so commonly used they even appear in commercials for Center Parcs. In an attempt to better the original and differentiate their new creation from the crowd, the directors went for an explosive start (literally) followed by what seemed like 15 minutes weighed down with lots of grand words and doublespeak philosophy. The action, when it finally came, was so fast, furious and heavily laden with CGI that it began to look more like a computer game.

As the film progressed I began to get the impression that the Wachowski brothers had their tongues planted firmly in their cheeks, as if, in an attempt to avoid cliche they have taken the opportunity to parody their original masterpiece -specifically the "Superman" moments and the interview with Merovingian who, when describing the French language, delivers what is undoubtedly the best and funniest line in the whole film.

As you may well have read in the various press critiques the film ends on a cliff-hanger, except there is insufficient character development for me to care what happens to any of them and so it is more of like a small kerb-hanger. Still it gives us all a chance to pause for breath before the media hype begins for Part 3, which is due for release in November, at which point the torrent of visual excitement will start all over again.

Involved or Committed?

It has been a busy couple of days for me. On Thursday I was serving as Chairman at a London conference on Wireless LANs. There is no doubt in my mind that WiFi, as it is called, is the cool technology of the year. It has been around for a while, but right now the level of interest in it is huge. The exhibition was packed with over 2000 visitors and the auditorium where the seminars were taking place was full to overflowing with eager attendees lined up waiting for hours for the chance to get in.

As Chairman I have to pay close attention to every presenter. If there are no questions forthcoming from the audience it is my job to start off with a couple of queries on their behalf. Maybe I am getting cynical in my old age but after listening carefully to around 15 presentations I noticed they were all full of the same business justifications for deploying Wireless LANs. Not only that but I could detect nothing different from the business benefits I was using to sell a mobile and wireless computing product 10 years ago - long before it was cool. I can also report, from my experience of attending other IT events, that the identical benefits seem to be equally applicable eCommerce, Customer Relationship Management, GRID computing or any other IT based "solution".

Is there a single technology out there which doesn't improve worker productivity, reduce Total Cost of Ownership (TCO), enhance competitive advantage or improve data collection accuracy? I have done a few calculations and I reckon that if I were to buy and implement every available technology, based on the percentage figures quoted by the marketing teams, I would have a 150% productive sales-force, my TCO would be zero, I would be the most competitive business on the planet and my database would contain data which is perfectly accurate.

My point here is not that the claims made for technology are unreal (although that is almost certainly true), it is just that they are totally unimaginative and for the most part immeasurable with any accuracy and the customer has absolutely no comeback on the vendor if the promised benefits fail to transpire following implementation. A new way to sell technology products might be for the vendor to show some kind of commitment to the project to improve the business performance of their customers.

A wise man once told me the difference between involvement and commitment. He used the allegory of a breakfast of eggs and bacon - a meal in which the chicken was involved but the pig was committed.

Value based pricing is a clear way to ensure that a supplier is committed to my success.

If I am looking to make a real difference to the performance of a business, I want the technology to deliver a benefit which is unique to that technology. I also want the vendor share the risk of change by agreeing to independent measurement of my businesses performance before and following successful implementation of their solution with the price I pay for the solution based entirely on the percentage achievement of the promised metric. Using this method of product pricing would ensure that the vendor is marketing the product honestly and as committed as myself to the performance of their product, and the resulting success of my business. Of course that also means that solution outperforms the promise and I begin to see business benefits incremental to that expected, then I would be have to share the rewards with the agency that had made my success possible. But then again, that is what sharing risk is all about.

The next time I chair a conference it would be so refreshing to see a presentation which says "We have created x thousand pounds of value for our customers following the implementation of our products. If you agree to implement this product we agree that you will pay us a price based on percentage performance against the agreed goals".

Now that is a vendor offer I would find it hard to refuse - it would also be a great way for vendors to gain ongoing commitment and trust from customers.

Remember - you heard it here first.

He who laughs last....

.........has just thought of the dirty meaning!

The best kind of saucy humour is when the naughty association is all in the mind of the viewer/listener and yet the reality is totally innocent.

Galumpia Adult offers some fruity fun for adults which will give you a few laughs. You can play it with your friends and colleagues - and guess what - you can safely view it at work, even though you might not think so from looking at it at first.

Imminent Demise of a Guru

No, I am not foretelling the sudden death of a person but of GURU.COM who have announced today that after serving the needs of job seekers and employers for the past four years, they will no longer be matching talent with employers effective from 30th June 2003.

Guru was the best of many networking sites, used mainly by the high-tech industry during the dot.com boom, when the demand for labour was well ahead of supply and both employees and employers needed an online market place where they could match, meet, negotiate and settle. The closure of this site is a sure sign that the employment market is still slow.

If you are a fellow guru.com user who is now looking for an alternative method for connecting with potential employers, then drop a note in my comments box and remember to include your email address and I will forward you an invitation to a new business networking community which is just getting off the ground.

Annoying Hollywood Stars

In honour of the second week of the Cannes Film Festival, a little story about how my father once gave short shrift to one of tinsel town's most famous Directors.

My father has gained a reputation for being a little accident prone, especially when doing something extra energetic. One instance was when he was trying for a home run at an ill advised Rounders match and pulled a ligament in his lower calf. This put him out of action and on crutches for a couple of weeks. However the practice with crutches came in useful again in the 1980's when he was running down a hill, trying to keep up with two young puppies and fell breaking his leg in two places. This was in the days before mobile phones were in common usage and those available were the size of a brick, so the rescue mission from the side of a hill took a few hours.

As soon as his leg was healing well enough he returned to work and he enjoyed a few months of being chauffeured to and from work and on business appointments - all paid for by his employer. During the time while his leg was in plaster his work required him to attend a Royal Film Premier of "Empire of the Sun" at the Odeon Leicester Square. He was still getting used to his crutches and so I accompanied him. It was great fun, especially as my employer at the time was also attending (although he was to be seated in the Royal Box). I said a casual "good evening" to him as we passed each other in the foyer. I think this must have had an impact on him as he was far more civil to me in the office from then on.

Meanwhile, back to my father and his crutches. As anyone who has been to the Odeon in Leiceter Square will know there are two flights of stairs to climb to get to the auditorium and no lift. On this evening the right hand stairs were quite crowded and seeing my father's temporary diablement the commissionaire advised us to use the flight of staris on the left hand side - they seemed to be completely unused. After a bit of effort and a couple of pauses for breath we reached the top of the flight of stairs where there was a whole huddle of people standing. My father struggled to get past this group that for some reason were giving him strange looks. In his effort to push past my father accidentally bumped into one of the group who didnt seem to keen to move aside so my father said a rather icily assertive "Excuse me please" and pushed on as best he could into the into the comparatively empty space of the main lobby.

It was then my father turned to me, and in a voice which was clearly meant to be heard by more than just me said "I don't know who that funny little man was standing at the top of the stairs but he just wouldn't get out of the way".

"Well," I said, my face flushing as red as an usherettes torch, "that was Steven Spielberg".

Moblogging Gets Its Own Conference

Most people make and maintain their blog entries while seated in front of a computer, whether it be at home, in the office, in an internet cafe, or (like me) from the occasional hotel room while travelling. Moblogging is short for mobile blogging - the use of a phone or other mobile device for creating and publishing weblog entries. An example might be taking a photo at an event on your camera-phone and emailing the image directly to your blog. There are several companies around who are competing for customers in this space and mechanism are being developed to make it as easy as sending a TXT message.

Now comes news that the first international conference dedicated specifically to Moblogging is to take place on 5th July this year. The good news is that it will cost less than 20 US Dollars to get in, the bad news is that you need to go to Tokyo to attend. OK if you live in Kyoto but kinda tough if you are from Europe or the USA.

The First International Moblogging Conference (1IMC) will be divided into a morning session which will focus on technologies and tools. Then in the afternoon the session will be devoted to the human, social and cultural implications of the practice. An evening networking event will give participants, attendees and sponsors a chance to mingle and exchange ideas.

Sounds like a cool event to be at. Just a shame it is so short an event and so far away. Perhaps a similar event should be held in London or one of the other European capitals before too long.

Lights on, doors open, no-one home!

SwishCottage is one web-log which I have always found witty and entertaining and as a result I have made a point to visit it every day to see the latest. However, after a turbulent time and a recent soul-bearing David has decided to give is a rest for a short while.

For those of you who have never dipped your toe into the warm soothing waters of his particular puddle of the Internet, I advise you to give it a try. Even though he has stopped writing for now David has left the lights on and there are archives aplenty to enjoy. Be ready for some laughs, plenty of candour more than the occasional reference to iPods and even more frequent references to sex.

Meanwhile - other entertaining and interesting Blogs can be found in my sidebar over there on the left.

Come back soon David, you audience is waiting.

Naked David Beckham Picutres - Result

As posted last week I threw the voting open to the wide-world to help me decide whether or not I should publish some dubious pictures of David Beckham I had been sent in error. The response has been most underwhelming and with one exception (which came across as a tad too enthusiastic!) the majority were at best skeptical and at worst negative. Net result of poll = People no longer care about David Beckham clothed or unclothed.

For those of you who said you thought I should delete the photos, your wish will be granted. For those who would like a copy sent to them before I consign them to electric death, you have until midnight tonight to send me an email giving me a really good reason as to why I should.

A Different Light

In my web wanderings over the weekend I stumbled across a beautiful sight/site. Called UK Nights it is a small but high quality collection of photographs taken at night. As the name suggests, all locations are in the UK. The 22 images are all displayed in monochrome which enhances the beauty of each scene.

The collection has been put together by Photolucid whose site is a showcase for contemporary photography, with an emphasis on, but by no means not restricted to, urban exploration and environmental landscape work.

Celeb Watch

Breakfasting today in a fashionable London eaterie I spotted Billy Zane together with an asian beauty. Everyone, including me, was being incredibly cool and just letting them get on with it - hence no picture.

And in case you were wondering - yes he really does look like that in real life!

One word from him.......

.....and they do as they like!

Earlier this week I was watching a TV programme called "What do you do all day?". The format is very simple; presenter Adrian Chiles shadows a famous business person to see how they spend a normal working day.

This week Adrian was with Richard Branson who, quite coincidentally with a day of BBC filming, had to visit each and every one of the Virgin brand companies to take care of some little matter like test driving a new train for the rail company, announcing the phone company results on Bloomberg and welcoming a new intake of cabin crew to the airline. In answer to a question about exerting his authority Richard explained that he did not give staff a rollicking as he didn't think that was motivational - he also seems too nice a guy and not nearly assertive enough to be able to do it effectively.

During his whirlwind day, which started at 5am, Richard visited the Virgin Megastore in London's Oxford Street to have a meeting with the management team of the retail chain in the coffee bar. As they were leaving the store Adrian and Mr Branson were commenting on the quality of decor on the shop floor. The words "tacky" and "Woolworths" were used, and the pair of them decided that the lino flooring was not becoming of the Virgin Group's flagship store. As they drove away Richard was shown talking on the phone to one of the people he had just met with and appealing to them to do something about the quality and design of the store furnishings - in a the same apologetic way that most Brits are given to complaining in a restaurant.

Given that the programme was filmed and therefore the results open to public scrutiny you might think that a responsive employee working for a company like Virgin would have listened to his boss, and put in place a plan of action to smarten the place up a bit so that when the programme airs people who have seen the film can appreciate how responsive a company it is. Well, I estimate that the programme was filmed in January or early February of this year at the latest - it was dark by 5pm and none of the trees had leaves on them. However judging by the scene which met me as I walked into the Virgin Megastore this morning I would say that nothing has changed.

Richard, if you are reading this, it might be time to stop smiling, kissing and signing autographs for your staff, and start kicking some arses!

Say that again?

Do my ears deceive me, or did I just hear an advert for a St Ives skin care product which claims to be "full of little scrubbers"?

Sounds more like an ad for visiting my local BarMed on a Friday night!

Ivan - The Olympic Champion for London

It seems that financial whizz-kid Ivan Massow is not happy with the way Londoners are having to support the rest of the UK and still cough up to host the Olympics.

He thinks that the 22bn pounds in tax that Londoners contribute to the rest of the country each year is enough (that is about 4000 pounds per resident), and now it seems that Londoners are also being expected to pay for the Olympics. Meanwhile the nation's capital has the poorest boroughs, the highest crime rates, the worst public transport, and a powerless assembly.

According to Massow's calculations each Londoner contributes 500 pounds a year in tax to Scotland alone, which has, in his opinion, a far higher standard of living. Ivan also points out that the Scots also have their own parliament with full legislative powers despite having a million fewer residents than London!.

With support gathered from a website launced today called Change London, Massow intends to make 5 demands in June to the major parties on behalf of Londoners. If those demands are not recognised, he will personally fund a party for London to take over both the assembly and its mayoralty.

Impressive stuff!

If you live in London, and agree with Ivan's views, then hop on over to his site, register your opinion (which it is said will remain anonymous) and help him to measure the level of support he has.

According to Mr Massow "Londoners deserve the two billion pounds it would cost to fix the tubes and one and half billon pounds to put on the Olympics - it is just 15% of the cash that that we shell out to the rest of the UK EVERY YEAR."

For which those of us who live in the provinces say "THANK YOU VERY MUCH!"

Forgotten Heroes - Brian Cant

There can be few children in the UK who haven't heard of, or heard the voice of Brian Cant. He was a stalwart of the BBC's children's television output and made his name as a presenter on Play School, Playaway, Dramarama and also provided all the voices for the animated programmes Trumpton, Chigley, and Camberwick Green. More recently he has starred in the children's show Dappledown Farm.

To many, in those comparatively innocent times, Mr Cant was like a favourite Uncle; always ready with a joke, a cheeky smile and an idea of something silly and fun to do. His Playaway programme relieved parents of having to be creative and entertaining on wet Saturday afternoons.

Brian Cant also appeared in many theatre productions and pantos and was the writer and director of shows for Legoland near London. Latterly he also narrated his own stories on TV's Teletubbies.

So where is he now? The children of the current generation just don't know what they are missing. Last I had heard of him was in an interview done by the wonderful website for Trumptonshire. Then this week, up he pops, like a well remembered friend from the past, on This Is Your Life - sadly only as a well-wisher, not as the central guest being profiled. Hey Mr Aspel, when are you going to hand Mr Cant the Big Red Book?

And thinking about it, what about some recognition in the Queen's Birthday Honours list for one of the nations' favourite entertainers and all round good-egg. Sir Brian of Camberwick Green has a certain ring to it - don't you think?

The Beer Hunter

Following on from my last post about the Deer Hunter showing on Channel 4, here is a game you can play with your friends while watching to take the edge of drama - and get mellow.

It is called the Beer Hunter and is based on the Russian Roulette scene from the movie. However in this game the worst that can happen is the loser get a face full of foaming electric soup and a cleaning bill.

You can play this game anytime but if you are not actually watching the film it is good to have John Williams' "Theme from The Deer Hunter" playing on the stereo for maximum effect.

The ingredients you need:

A six-pack of beer (or more for multiple rounds)
Six players per round
One Master Of Ceremonies (MoC)

How to play:

1. The MoC separates the cans in the six-pack and selects one can. This can is the bullet and must be shaken vigorously ensuing a good pressure builds up inside.



2. The MoC mixes the bullet can amongst the other five cans.



3. Now, the first player picks a can, holds it directly under their chin and opens it. If it's not the bullet that player has to drink the can down and it is then the turn of the next player.



4. The player who opens the bullet will get sprayed in beer and has to drink the remainder of the can.

You can keep playing this game until:

a) you run out of beer
b) all the players are wet through
c) the home owner complains about the state of the ceiling*
d) everyone is so drunk they can't face another round, or stand, or find more beer.

* Therefore best played outdoors next to a swimming pool or on the beach**.

**Sapientum does not condone swimming after the consumption of alcohol.

Time to Hide Behind the Sofa

Looking ahead to Saturday night's televisual offerings I see that someone in the Channel 4 scheduling department has a ghoulish sense of humour.

12:00   The Deer Hunter (1978)
03:15   Bullet in the Brain

As if the Russain Roulette scene in the first film weren't harrowing enough, it seems they need to ram the point firmly home with a short 20 minute drama about someone who meets their demise in a bank robbery.

Salam Pax Is Back Online

Hurrah! The most talked about non-blogging blogger in the world is back online. It seems that nothing sinister happened to him, but in a severely bombed out Baghdad he has been struggling to get electrical power and an internet connection.

If you were a dedicated follower of Salam's writings before the bombing started, the 15 entries he had saved up during the conflict and emailed to a friend in the USA make fascinating reading.

So, Salam's online blogging activities have now resumed, although at $5 an hour for an internet connection in post war Iraq it seems his output will be less frequent than before.

Good to know you are alive Salam!

Coming Back for Seconds

I have just been going through some receipts from my trip to Texas to complete my claim for expenses. It was only when looking very closely at the receipt for lunch at the Cadillac Bar in Galveston that I realised I had been served by someone with a rather special name.

I find that when I am travelling, and touch down in a location which is off the beaten tourist trail, that the local people are interested to talk and find out what it is that brings me to their part of the world. In the case of this waiter he was interested in why I was there, where I am from and also what I thought of the town. I was polite, although it has to be said that Galveston is not the prettiest place to which I have ever been.

I did however have a rather good lunch at the Cadillac which overlooks the Gulf of Mexico. I was eating Pesado Del Mar, with Taco's and so that is a good substitute for loaves and fishes, but I wonder what was the raw material from which my waiter made those delicious frozen margaritas.

One Day In May - Update

I have just taken my last picture of the day for The May Day Project. Now you can view my photos from this project and see how my day went.

Interesting Dilemma

Yesterday afternoon someone I know accidentally sent me two pictures of a half naked David Beckham by email and thus has unwittingly revealed to me the sort of thing she is mailing to her network of friends. It seems that I was included on the distribution list in error, at least I must assume it was in error as all the other recipients were female. I never asked for these pictures, I was not aware of their existence before they landed in my in tray and they do not interest me in the least, except that they do present me with an interesting quandary and I am now faced with a two questions.

1. Do I let the sender know that I have received the photos?


2. What do I do with these pictures now I have them?

On tackling the first question, I must assume the answer is: No, I don't tell her. I can think of nothing positive that would be gained from doing so. I would only cause embarrassment on both sides and potentially change for ever the nature of our relationship.

So onto the second question. What to do with these pictures of Victoria Beckham's husband with his wedding tackle on show to the world?

I am pretty sure these pictures must be fake, and yet they look so very convincing. I will describe them. In the first a seated and laughing David is wearing a chunky sweater but naked from the waste down and is clearly VERY aroused by something. The evidence of this photo would suggest that, if genuine, Posh Spice has nothing to complain about. The second photo is of a fully clothed David with the buttons of his Levi 501s open and his manhood poking through the gap.

What I cannot believe or understand is how one of England's most media aware sportsmen could ever have put himself into the position where these photos would be taken in the first place, let alone put into the public domain. So I must assume they are fake, but if they are they have been very carefully crafted so it is really hard to tell where the joins are.

Now, I have absolutely nothing against David Beckham and mean to do him no harm, so I am not sure that publishing these pictures (real or fake) is going to be very fair to him. However, since the photos are clearly in the public domain, and are being circulated anyway, will the act of putting them on public display with a link from my blog be that incrementally harmful? (As a side issue I am also wondering if to do so would put me in breech of my ISP agreement).

Oh hum - decisions, decisions.

I know what I will do. I will let my audience decide. Put your view into the Comments box. If you think I should publish them here let me know, if you think I should respect celebrity privacy and bin the pictures, let me know that too. If you are a fellow blogger who wants to publish the pictures on your site, well let me know, we might be able to come to some form of arrangement.

So over to you to decide. Do I paste them up here on my site so the whole world can see the naked pictures of David Beckham , or do I just delete them from my in tray now?

You have until 17th May to decide.

Television Hits a New Low

Well I suppose it had to happen in the end. Reality TV has found new ways to plumb the depths of taste and banality. We have had home based programmes about cooking, decorating, gardening, buying and selling antiques, but now Channel 4 brings us a show about dusting! Not just one programme mind you, a series of eight which "journeys into some of the country's most horrifyingly filthy homes to expose their deepest, darkest corners."

I can already imagine a typical scene which will play out to the nation's millions who will be sitting down to watch. Two media hungry harridans running their fingers along the surfaces in some poor soul's house while making tut-tut noises and staring meaningfully into the ever present electronic eye. According to the publicity blurb the TV Housekeeper then cleans the entire house top to bottom giving the hapless owner advice on how not to be such a malodorous slob in the future.

Come to think of it, my place could do with a spring clean. I will give them a call and they can come round and do my house. Just so long as they don't block my view of the telly because I am hoping my new series will be picked up by one of the TV companies. Following this evident trend of TV programming for the hard-of-thinking it is called "Wet Behind the Ears - How to Wash Yourself". There are more than a few people at large in the nation who would find such a program very instructive. I have in mind Nigella Lawson for the presenter, who will make personal hygiene sound sexy. At the end of the series there will be one late night adult special dealing with cleaning those "important little places", the climax of which will be when Nigella purrs seductively into the camera "Remember they are your bits and so you can wash them as fast as you like".

One Day In May

I have just signed up to participate in the May Day Project. The idea is very simple; over one day in May, people all over the world will be taking a photograph an hour to illustrate a day in their life.

The project is organised by a young lady called Tracey who is a keen blogger and photographer from Sydney, Australia. She has chosen Saturday 10th May as the day to be recorded and so it should be very interesting to see how the weekend is spent by people of different cultures. I already know what I will be doing and its going to be exciting, but you will have to wait until my photos are published here to find out.

Do you own a camera? Are you up for the challenge of photographing a day in your life? Head over there now and register.

Word Competition Closes

Well, I guess I should be thankful that I got as many as two entries for the Word competition I have been running over the past week or so. It is so hard to pick a winner from the two entries that I have decided to award them both a prize. So, Gerry and Colin will both be getting a copy of "Newspeak: Dictionary of Jargon".

[Guys, I have written to you at the email addresses you supplied. Please reply with your postal addresses so I can send your prizes.]

O - What a Cool Nightclub

I have been to quite a few nightclubs in my time but yesterday evening whilst out in Houston I walked, quite by chance, into what I think has to be the coolest club ever. Called simply "O" it is housed in, well, a house. Imagine a really big family home with a front door, entrance hall, huge rooms, a garden, upstairs games room, and you are getting close to the setting. Then put a drinks bar in every room, a massive sound system and sprung dance floor in the lounge and an open air balcony so you can watch (and drop ice cubes on) the people in the street and the long line of would be party-goers waiting below to get in. What makes this club so cool is that it captures that teenage feeling of having a really wild party at a friend's house while the parents are out. The music is also excellent with masterful mixes of classic house tracks - on the night I was there the decks were manned by Kevin "Limey" England.

Cool clubs attract cool crowds and O was filled with beautiful people in stylish clothing. As a result of the US drinking laws all those granted entrance had to be older than 21 and as a result the maturity of the crowd was reflected in the behaviour of even the most enthusiastic clubber.

O has sister clubs in New Orleans, Pensacola, Baton Rouge and Atlanta. On the basis that the same quality, and qualities are common throughout the group they might be worth a visit if you are looking for something a little bit upmarket in your clubbing experience. Pity they have such a crap website though.

Breakfast in America

I am very fortunate that when I travel on business I get to stay in some really nice hotels. This week I have been resting my head at the Four Seasons Hotel in Austin. It is a luxury hotel, the staff are extremely attentive, the bedroom is huge, and the bed is quite the softest on which I have had the pleasure of sleeping in years. Previous winner of this coveted title was the Doubletree in Seattle, WA.

Regardless of how plush the hotel, there is one rule to which I abide quite firmly when I am travelling. Never eat breakfast at the hotel. I made, and stick to, this rule for two reasons. Firstly it gives me a chance to get out of the air conditioned environment and breathe some fresh local air first thing in the morning. Secondly the breakfast served in cafes and restaurants outside of the hotel are normally twice as good and half the price while putting me in touch with the local people and not the itinerant visitors.

This week has been no exception and I have been breaking my fast at Las Manitas Avenue Cafe at 211 Congress Avenue. Las Manitas literally means little hands, but it is also slang for little friends or sisters. The restaurant was started by by sisters Lidia and Cynthia Perez in 1981 straight out of school so the name seemed particularly apposite. The menu reflects it's Mexican ownership and so I have has the chance to tuck into Huevos Rancheros, Las Manitas Fajitas and Plato de Chorizo all served at a breakneck speed and I often found my hot plate arriving while I was still only halfway down my bowl of granola.

Las Manitas seems to be a popular spot for local businessmen and politicians to meet for power-brunches - the state capitol building is just a couple of hundred yards up the road. One morningI found myself seated at the breakfast bar next to a recently published local author who was politely fending off a never ending stream of admirers telling him how wonderful his book is while his tacos cooled on the plate before him.

If you find yourself in the Austin area, do pop in to Las Manitas for a meal, or just a coffee, and soak up the atmosphere of this Austin institution.